This is how you will always remain in my heart, a bitter, selfish, undeserving boy. I’ve cried my heart out for you, multiple times I’ve cried until I cannot feel pain anymore. I’ve hurt myself because of you, and lied because of you. I’ve believed false things because of you, and I have never felt more angry at someone then I feel at you.

It seems I cannot release you from my mind. Even still after many years you remain there haunting every happy thought, every action and every word. Why do you sit in the corners of my mind, lurking in the dark until I am unsuspecting and your face appears. This is not fair! It’s not fair to me, or the one I’m now with.

I love him. Do you know that? I love him more then I have ever loved anyone. I did not love you. I thought I loved you, and I did not. I cared for you, but not enough to be with you fully and completely.

I only blew you because I was afraid of you. I was scared of you. I never wanted you to touch me. I never wanted to be around you.

Now, you just sit around me, being in my presence. I haven’t seen you, truly seen you and spoken with you in almost a year. I haven’t made contact with you, everything I once owned that you had given to me, its all gone but one thing.

I never truly loved you. And I still sit here and cry because you are ruining the best thing I’ve ever had. YOU YOU YOU are ruining it with your lies and hurtful comments. You are ruining my self esteem still, do you know that? No, of course you don’t. You are so heartless that you could care less what I say or do now. You never really cared about me did you, you never cared enough to love me for more then the touching, kissing, and physical attributes and favors.

Thats what they were, favors. Always favors. They were never out of joy or want.

I do not love you anymore, I never really did. I do not need you in my mind. I want you to leave and I am locking the door. You are never allowed to enter my life again.

I forgive you for every single thing you did to me. I forgive you for sexually abusing me, I forgive you for never listening and for being the BOY that you probably still are.

I forgive you though. None the less, and despite all the hurt, I, me, I forgive you. And I want you to leave my thoughts.

You no longer exist in my life. Ok. I’m moving on, I’m letting go.

I forgive you, because I believe that I am capable of this, when you were not. I forgive you, because I believe in myself now.

EM.